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Saturday, April 17, 2021

Opinion | They Left New York Throughout Covid. Make Them Pay.

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Fortunately for you, Mr. de Blasio, I’ve generated a couple of common sense proposals that may permit us to get even.

First issues first: Metropolis Corridor ought to instantly impose a resettlement tax on all returning New Yorkers. The levy can be decided on the very second they contact down at J.F.Okay., decided by each their revenue stage and the way flagrant their desertion was. (If somebody spent everything of their exile on the crystal waters between Monaco and Sardinia, he can count on to pay up.) That cash can be used to fund a public good ascertained, by a particular election, by these of us who by no means left. I can think about a number of points on the poll, however I’d forged my vote to lastly retrofit the Nice Melancholy-era tech powering our subway, guaranteeing that no man, girl or youngster will ever once more wait 20 minutes for the M prepare.

Higher but, New York may mandate a Borough Swap for all returning exiles. It’s no secret {that a} overwhelming majority of escapees resided within the richest neighborhoods within the metropolis — notably the Higher East Facet, SoHo and the West Village. I can consider no higher punishment for these people than some good old style Brooklyn residing. The New York residents who braved Covid could be granted property rights over these empty brownstones for a full yr, the place they’ll lastly expertise a world-class Manhattan autumn in its pure state. Within the meantime, the retreating gentry will take up residence in my constructing, which doesn’t have a doorman, however does have a wholly ineffective radiator and an exterminator who reveals up as soon as a month to attempt to hold the German cockroaches behind the dishwasher at bay.

Naturally, this coverage is not going to lengthen to anybody who had an inexpensive excuse for his or her abdication. Those that had been caring for high-risk members of the family or who had been left with out employment due to the pandemic’s fallout shall be granted clemency. Identical for individuals who left town for every week or two at a time. Should you didn’t file a change-of-address kind, you’re good. Everybody else is beneath the gun. We noticed the movies from the Joshua Tree ranch, OK? You’ll be able to’t simply march again in right here as in case you personal the place.

As soon as enough contrition is expressed, exiles might return to their regular New York existences, as long as they promise to by no means vacate town in its time of want ever once more.

Maybe you imagine I’m being too petty and I carry some lingering insecure resentment for sticking it out in a metropolis well-known for its cloistering residing situations at a time when everybody was caught of their properties. Broadly talking, you’d be completely right.

I’m from San Diego initially, and it’s tough for me to assemble an argument that these sun-drenched seashore strains wouldn’t have been a more healthy place to spend these previous 12 months than a second-floor walk-up with no rooftop, yard or in-building washer/dryer. New Yorkers have a method of recontextualizing each one in every of their self-inflicted humiliations into misguided triumphs; it’s a part of the coping mechanism.

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